I Think

To Pee Or Not To Pee

Let me give some facts and figures before I start. My office is about 14 kms from home and I ride there on my ‘Street Hawk’.. er.. XL Super, which has a top speed of 40(that’s in kmph) and goes from 0 to 30(again kmph) in as little as 300 seconds. Add to it my inertia and lethargy and the general morning traffic, on an average it takes me about 45 minutes to go to office.
The other day, just as I had started off, my ‘bladder-full’ sensors started sending alarm signals to my brain(you know how it feels, spare me the need to describe the sensation). Given that I am neither a NASA astronaut nor do i doubt that my lover is cheating on me, I have never had the need to use adult diapers.
Coming back, I had two options –
Option A – turn around, go back home and do it. I rejected this for Option B.
Option B – keep driving, let the situation evolve and hopefully my brain will pull out a better plan.
I did manage to pull out an idea – look out for public urinals and stop at the first one. I drove for another twenty minutes before I finally found one(and the only one) which turned out to be locked. Perhaps the manager of the place wasn’t expecting a client so early in the morning. It was then that i realized the flaw in the plan, something that I should have known earlier. People here don’t use a public urinal, in fact we don’t even need a public urinal, we have the WALL.
I don’t know much about how things work in the west, I think that out there a wall is just a wall, a boundary, that’s it. But here, a wall serves more than one purpose. It is where the political world announces their meetings to the public, it is where the entertainment world howls what’s showing and most importantly in the present context, it is where people do it. It can be the cornucopia of information or stink depending on your perspective. With every passing wall upon which my eyes fell, I was maddened by the urge to spray paint it and salinate the surrounding earth. However, the false dignity that I had assumed over the course of my life stopped me from doing it.
Things were getting really bad now, the bladder control unit was jamming my brain with the same signal(kinda like caught in an infinite loop), despite the fact that my brain had acknowledged the gravity of the situation and had responded back saying ‘wait for my command’. I started sweating profusely, and this certainly did not help the situation, which is ironic given that perspiration effectively performs a similar function. Clearly, the Creator hadn’t given much thought about load balancing in our fluid regulatory mechanisms(Now where should I report this bug?).
Somehow I managed to not cave in to the pressure and reached the office, and I don’t have to tell what I did first. It was bliss. I think it will the closest I will ever come to experiencing the so called ‘anandam that follows prasava vedhanai‘(roughly translates to joy after the troubles/pain of pregnancy), unless of course genetic engineering grows to stupid proportions and the woman with whom I am destined to have kids decides to mutate me with seahorse DNA.
My bladder control hasn’t been the same since that fateful day, if only I hadn’t cared for my false dignity. I choose to blame the government for this. I am so pissed off.

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6 thoughts on “To Pee Or Not To Pee

  1. smart says:

    Kay – K,
    Nee ippidiyae ezhuthittu iruntha..
    Guru, Ess Kay.. inga Blog panratha niruthiduvaanga… 🙂

    Sorry, Ess kay… already ezhuthirathu illa..

  2. Guru says:

    I am going to start making your quotations page :). This going into my list for sure.

    “With every passing wall upon which my eyes fell, I was maddened by the urge to spray paint it and salinate the surrounding earth.”

    –Kay K

    There was every reason for you to be “pissed off” of course. I like that too.

    Actually though, I have faced this several times, and I got to tell you “the juice is worth the squeeze” .. you know what I mean ;).

  3. Kay-K says:

    totally dude…

    my own quotations page!! this… this could only mean… i.. i.. i am becoming a celebrity… wow… all i need now to complete the transformation is some sort of rehab…

  4. EssKay says:

    Dai Smart!!! KK voda ratha veri fans naanum Guruvum… engala paathu ippadi sollitiyae machan!!!

    KK… Entha matterayum eppidi vena elaborate pannradhula nee gethunnu marubadi prove pannittada!!! Well… Vandhu… Sollnumnaa… ennakkum ippo avasaramaa varu…..

  5. smart says:

    esskay,..
    Sorry da!

    aana, its.. its really, Amazing!!!

    ivlo periya kastathuku naduvulayum, you have controlled the time and commented on this blog nu…ninaikum pothu…

    I have no words to say..

    A simple salute to your dedication.. 🙂

  6. Kay-K says:

    “Well… Vandhu… Sollnumnaa… ennakkum ippo avasaramaa varu…..”

    dei.. when i read this i can almost hear it the way you would have said it in person!!!!

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