more news, news

More news

First some international news, global warming has supposedly gone down drastically in recent weeks. Experts are baffled and are searching for explanations, some have suggested that the general increase in awareness amongst public, the use of renewable resources, al gore’s music fest and others to have contributed the reversal of the global warming phenomena, now renamed by unimaginative scientists as ‘Global Cooling’. However, Steven Levitt, the renowned author of the best seller “Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything” has come up with a startling counter explanation. According to him, the phenomenon was triggered about a ten months ago following the death of famous hollywood celebrity Anna Nicole Smith. He had the following to say, “As you know she was hot, she was ‘freakin’ hot.”

Now, some local news. Millions of people in tamil nadu are still suffering from the mysterious-yet-to-be-named disease that was first reported on the day following diwali. The symptoms of the disease include burning fever, unplugged diarrhoea, disorientation, memory loss and frequent blackouts. Initial suspicion for the mass outbreak of this disease were (a) biological attack by terrorists and (b) bird flu. Now as more and more people are recovering, the cause of the disease has become clear. Apparently, the last thing they remember doing was watch ‘ATM’, the block-busted vijay movie. This is what one victim had to say, “Dont put your money on ATM”.

On to some technology news. Recent research by gungans and unemployed alien species has shown that women on an average spend 3 years of their lifetime getting ready. This may not seem startling at outset, but when combined with the following conventional wisdom – all women believe that they stop aging after 18, people spend a third of their lives sleeping, the math says they have just 9 years to actually live. Poor souls.

And finally some sports news, the cricketer who peed in his pants while facing shoaib akhtar has attacked his critics calling them bigots and chauvinists. He said and I quote “If a frog pees when attacked, people call it a self-defence mechanism but if a man pees when attacked it is cowardly and gross. Weird world”. Yes, weird indeed.

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cars, curvy, women

Some news

Read a couple of interesting(atleast to me, ymmv) news bits yesterday in indian express.
1. Research shows curvy women give birth to intelligent kids, theory being that the fat around the hips/thighs helps a lot during pregnancy (in what way is beyond my understanding) – Appreciate the guys who took time to find this. It gives me the liberty to stretch the requirements in my matrimonial ad without projecting a retard image.
M24, Bhramin Iyer, SAL***p.a, looking for hourglass shaped homely girl to procreate super intelligent offspring.
Any father out there who reads this ad would be amazed at the amount of foresight i possess and should feel happy for having found the perfect match for his daughter. (little would he know about my evil plans which involves me and my super-intelligent kids taking over the world. buhahhahahahhaaa)
2. A company in Malaysia is developing a car with wonderful islamic features like compass to show the direction of mecca for performing prayers, space to keep hap/scarf etc. The news itself isn’t much interesting, but what would be interesting is when the vhp/bajrang dal guys look at this and decide to sponsor the design of a hindu car. The few features that i expect in such a car are
a. a mini idol of the favourite god of the owner placed on top of the bonnet.
b. automatic footwear banisher
c. surround track – no, not some audio enhancing peripheral, but a literal track of 3 ft width around the car that the owner can use to circumambulate after offering prayers
d. ching chak wiper – a revolutionary wiper fitted with a jalra at the ends of it, in such a way that when the wiper is swithced on it will generate the wonderful music of jalra, the most essential element in a bhajan/satsang. The driver will have the control to vary the speed of the wiper in order to sync with fast/slow bhajans.
e. automatic bouncer – an inbuilt AI system that will throw you out in case you and your girl friend start to get naughty inside the car.
What is the religion that you say you are practicing? What features would you expect in your religion-car?

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