I have developed this problem of slipping profanity into writing. I dont know when it started, but it surely isnt leaving. I find that sexual allusions make great metaphors, making things absurdly funny, and if anything my mind brings up one thing or the other**.But here comes the worrying part. My friend pointed out that while it can be funny, it is a huge turnoff for women. Just the other day, I accidentally slipped in the phrase "these days the word 'scientific' is being tossed around like some whore in cheap flick", which i thought was funny, and to top it i also slipped in a footnote, saying "it is difficult to say something without coming off as a chauvinist, so substitute whore with the appropriate word if you wish". I thought it made a nice joke. But apparently whore is one of those unspeakable words and the joke made me into some kind of a male chauvinistic sick perverted asshole. Besides not many got it, and when you are down to explaining your joke, you know you have blown it. Anyway, before that I had also used the word 'bullshit', which surprisingly is also unspeakable. This is gut wrenching, this tops my list of swear words, and as someone who likes to give honest opinions, I invariably use the phrase 'This is bullshit' to concisely summarize my thought. Atleast i managed to find an acceptable substitute for this, i will be using 'bovine excreta' in its place. But what of the other swear words? **among many many other normal musings, dont you run with the idea that i am sick.
These comes a point in your life, where you are faced with that one big problem, where you have to answer that one question looming at the back of your head, right when you decide to marry. Well, marriage itself isn't that problem, I am of course talking about a different one, the problem of whom to invite and more importantly whom to leave out.If you are reading this weblog, chances are you are you are part of a social network. Staying abroad? you are on Facebook. In India?, you are likely to be 'orkutting'. You have subscribed to that year of '99 school group. And are a part of the college mailing list. Even if you are barely social at work you are acquainted with at least a couple of dozen folks or probably more. Heck, an asocial guy like me has about 140 'friends' in orkut. Your enthusiasm for social connectivity has meant that you have 'befriended' every person who chanced across your path and was unfortunate to strike up a conversation. So who gets invited to the wedding? Deep in your heart though, you know whom you want to be present. You personally invite these folks. Different cities, you call up and invite. But what about the rest? Well, you are that social guy. What if you dont invite someone and he gets offended? Well you hardly care about people getting offended. But what if this was the one who in the unseen future could have potentially recommended that dream job for you through Linked In? Surely, you cant take that chance. You dont want to leave out nobody. You can manage a few of them, some fillers, but inviting every one of them to a wedding? Talk about an intractable problem. So what do you do? You dont want everyone there, but dont want to leave out anybody either. There's got to be a way out. Aha! the mailing list, the contacts in gmail, yahoo, orkut, facebook. Aha!*. Thank god for that. You send that enthusiastic mail inviting everyone to your wedding. You begin with that woebegone Hi! You fill in the carefully googled quote about marriage being that wonderful journey, and how you have got your booking confirmed. You reason that "staying in a different city"/"suddenly planned wedding"/"only two weeks in india"/"a rash in your arse" has made it difficult to personally invite and request that the mail be accepted as a personal invitation. You attach the copy of the scanned invitation every side of which weighs a couple of MBs. And conveniently put all the email addresses in bcc. A perfect ploy. The most impersonal personal invitation. You congratulate yourself on your own ingenuity. You of course forget that most of these guys have more than one email id, and also forget that gmail doesnt forget them. But what about the folks who get your litter in their inbox? How do they interpret it? Seriously, how do I interpret it? *done here more for effect, rather than anything else