I Think

Poetry

I cannot appreciate poetry, i really cant. I cant, I cant, I cant. I cannot read one without sniggering. For me every poem can be read Vogon style, it is a bit like Rule 34 for poems. I read one today, a long one, wrestled with it, turned my monitor upside side hoping it would make better sense, learnt a new word – puissance, thought a lot about it, felt like saying it loud, and generally had a terrific time. I know what you are thinking “Hey dude.. it is so easy to ridicule, if only you tried writing you would know how difficult it is”. Fair enough. I am up for the challenge, but be warned, you asked for it.I am giving myself ten minutes to churn out some top class poetry.. and it starts now.

May 27
——-
Oh May 27!
how I wish it werent may 27,
for yesterday it wasnt,
tomorrow it wouldnt,
and in four more days,
it wouldnt even be may
Oh May 27!

Some Haiku
——-
add five syllables,
then seven syllables,
five more syllables,

i feel like saying it,
puissance, there i said it,
woot woot woot woot woot!

Do You?
———-
Do you hear
the grooing screech,
the sounds of angels
munching bagels

Do you smell
the chicken fry?
the stinky sty?
Oh I die

Do you see
the fly in your soup
the pooping pup
I dont

Do you dream
of ducks and chicks
you must be a vet
or a junkie on meth

Do you feel
the big lump
under your armpit
now that stinks

Do you want
to hit me with a shovel?
I am calling
one-hun-dred.

Trrrrrrrrrrinnnnnnng.. Times up.

There I have done it, and isnt it marvellous. Now remember this, next time you write poetry, either dont show it to me or write something better than the stuff I have written in the last ten minutes.

Edit:

I couldnt get over the word puissance. Here is another haiku

puissant urge to
relieve myself is gone now
i wet myself, again

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I Think

Do spambots send multimedia love?

What I have in my pocket is one of the earliest versions of the cell phone. It dates back to the Third Age and incidentally was one of the things Bilbo Baggins had in his pocketses along with the One Ring. If I were to compare it with the gizmos of the present day, I would have to say that the phone in my possession is akin to one of those crustacean life forms that crawled out during the cambrian explosion but hit a evolutionary dead end and survives in the present day as nothing more than a curious artifact on a paleontologist’s desk. It does a couple of things, my phone that is, a) establish a communication link and b) act as a paper weight. It doesnt play music, doesnt have a camera, doesnt double up as a shaver or a tongue cleaner and most definitely doesnt have the ability to show mms. Interestingly, I got an MMS today, which airtel placed on some server and sent me the IP address and the username/password to login and see. Now I have received one such sms about a mms in the past which I ignored. Today, being a slow day, I decided to check it out. It turned out to be a gif image with the words ‘I love you’. Woohoo! Woohoo!!!

Now the message dint have a sender number, I dont know if it was sent by a girl or a guy, there is no way of knowing if it was even sent by a person. My guess is some bot or script is busy spreading the message of universal love among single guys. All I can make of this message is that somebody or most probably something out there loves me, and going by the gif image, oh boy, it loves me a lot. Woohoo! Woohoo!!!

I am in a jolly good mood the last few days, so buoyant that I would embrace every man, woman, kid, puppy, sloth, bat, moss, e coli, just about everything if it would allow me to. And I am not the guy who restricts his love to just the animate. Coming to think of it, I dont even know if a spambot lacks emotional capacity, it would be awfully presumptuous on my part to speculate on the absence of feelings and emotions in a spambot. So, dear spambot, whatever, your love shall not remain unrequited. I love you too, dear. Now go make me a sandwich.

P.S:What good is love if one cant even get a sandwich out of it?

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Searching for another sundari

I was looking through my media library yesterday where I found three songs with the title ‘sundari’, my first reaction ‘damn.. i have so many duplicates on my drive. should clean up.’. On checking, it turned out that all three were different songs, and were songs that I actually enjoy listening to when they pop up on random playlist. That was a bit of a ‘Aha!’ moment, i know, a trivial one, a bit like knowing three different people and finding out that they went to the same barber, or like looking at individual stars and one fine day realising that they were all part of ursa major.

It isnt difficult to find what the songs are, i will leave it to you to figure out what they are while i try and find out if there is another sundari around that I havent listened to yet.

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Lena

Remember the test image with the beauty that we used in image processing course? The gorgeous siren? The famous Lena image? Today I learned the history behind the image. From http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~chuck/lennapg/ .

From the link…

For the curious: ‘lena’ or ‘lenna’ is a digitized Playboy centerfold, from November 1972. (Lenna is the spelling in Playboy, Lena is the Swedish spelling of the name.) Lena Soderberg (ne Sjööblom) was last reported living in her native Sweden, happily married with three kids and a job with the state liquor monopoly. In 1988, she was interviewed by some Swedish computer related publication, and she was pleasantly amused by what had happened to her picture. That was the first she knew of the use of that picture in the computer business.

Alexander Sawchuk estimates that it was in June or July of 1973 when he, then an assistant professor of electrical engineering at the USC Signal and Image Processing Institute (SIPI), along with a graduate student and the SIPI lab manager, was hurriedly searching the lab for a good image to scan for a colleague’s conference paper. They had tired of their stock of usual test images, dull stuff dating back to television standards work in the early 1960s. They wanted something glossy to ensure good output dynamic range, and they wanted a human face. Just then, somebody happened to walk in with a recent issue of Playboy.

The engineers tore away the top third of the centerfold so they could wrap it around the drum of their Muirhead wirephoto scanner, which they had outfitted with analog-to-digital converters (one each for the red, green, and blue channels) and a Hewlett Packard 2100 minicomputer. The Muirhead had a fixed resolution of 100 lines per inch and the engineers wanted a 512 x 512 image, so they limited the scan to the top 5.12 inches of the picture, effectively cropping it at the subject’s shoulders.

Another interesting piece of trivia is that Lenna’s issue (November 1972) was Playboy’s best selling issue ever and sold 7,161,561 copies.

Nerds™.

P.S the link also contains the complete centerfold image, defintely NSFW.

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Life

… is so fragile. All it takes is a bunch of random mutations and a dozen rogue cells to terminate the whole system.

Lately, I have been entertaining the thought that good things arent happening to me. Reality just popped in, slapped me across the face with the back of its hand and said ‘be happy that bad things arent happening to you, moron’.

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Chuck Palahniuk

I mean chuck his books, into the fire. Until yesterday, of all his books, I had only read Fight Club, which was fast, engaging, dark and definitely worth the time. And then yesterday I picked up something which came with the warning ‘not for the faint hearted’. When was the last time one took such a warning seriously? I got curious and picked it up just because of that warning. Now curiosity suffers from a bad reputation, everyone knows what it did to the cat. That reputation is here to stay. I think the cat had it real easy compared to me. In the first few minutes I was squirming uncomfortably in my chair. It got worse, million-chalk-pieces-screeching-across-the-blackboard kinda worse. It dint stop there. My guts started contracting, my whole body felt weak and sick. Not so surprisingly I remembered stuff that I had buried deep in my mind, for example the stuff about lambs. Do you know the stuff about lambs? Do you know how they are neutered? Farmers use a very simple castration technique, they hold up the hind legs of the lamb and bind a rubber ring tightly around neck of its scrotum and leave it that way. What this does is it stops the blood supply to the testis which degenerate and shrivel up, and in a couple of weeks the testicles of the lamb drop off, literally. This is a simple, easy, cheap, non-invasive neutering technique, its just that the lamb cant stand, cant sit and basically goes through hell during the first couple of days(Of course, life turns out great after a couple of weeks, the sheep lives a thoroughly meaningful existence appreciating the beauty of the meadow, the sunshine, the wind and the other joys of life until it is driven off to the butcher). I had buried this away for a long time only for Chuckie to drop in and dig it up. Chuckie had done one thing and one thing well, he had thoroughly fucked up my brain, fucked it up beyond all possible recognition, fubar, thats right, fubar.

It wouldnt be difficult for you to figure out what I ended up reading, especially if you are a fine blend of smart and stupid, but if you are anything like me, you know, if you are a normal person who has had a normal, protected life, if you have witnessed or experienced very little disturbing stuff, if you are a little timid, if you cannot read something without getting involved, if you arent a sadist or a masochist, please dont scar yourself by reading it.

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Mobile Menace

I suffer from a general paranoia of being watched, I have all these weird things happening around me that make me suspect that I am the lead in an Indian version of The Truman Show. For starters, there are a lot of cameras around me, apparently for security reasons. I will accept that, but how do you explain all the sms i get. How do you explain the messages I used to get about weight loss programs and fat reducing belts all these years? How do you explain the fact that these messages stopped mysteriously about four months back when I got back into reasonable shape? How do they know that I spend all my time on the comp and send stuff about earning cash while doing so? How do they know that the overhead tank in my apartment overflows everytime? How? How? HOW? Sometimes they make some of the stupidest mistakes though. I have this markandeya gene that makes me look like a 16 year old kid all the time. But then they think I am actually a 16 year old and send me messages about JEE/BITSAT/AIEEE coaching. Easy mistake that.

Ok, enough of mokkai. It is just annoying, getting all these junk messages. And junk messages arent the only problem. A couple of days back my sister told me that she is changing her number. Back story: Her friend started getting inappropriate/lewd messages some time back. The guy(s) behind it did something funny(funny because its never before heard levels of inanity to me) and disturbing, they dint just stop with her but got hold of her elder sister’s number and her mother’s number, that is all the women in her family. After putting up with the trouble for more than a month, the trio did the only thing they thought would solve the problem, changed all their numbers. Anyway, theres plenty of fish around and the guy(s) picked on my sister next and after a week of random annoying messages, shes decided that the easiest thing to do would be to change her number too. Sometime back I heard an incident about this girl who had to change her number five times during her college time. Although I dint doubt the veracity of the incident, I thought that this was maybe just a one-off incident, I was thinking what did she do to annoy so many people? Now I am inclined to think that maybe this is a problem that women tend to face, is this?(the number of such incidents that I know of is still just two). Anyway, I was wondering what would be the right way to handle these kind of problems in the future. I suggested blocking the numbers but apparently the guy(s) uses a different number each time. Is there a better way?

P.S I am also planning on becoming a masked vigilante, I have been practicing the ‘I am batman!’ line all day and I think I am almost there. So dont suggest that.

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