I Think

Z

I hate the chat/text message ‘Howz life?’ Two reasons. First, the sms lingo. I know people do it because it is convenient. But then every time i see smashed up words my eyes sort of twitch as if reminding me that they were meant to see breathtaking vistas, gorgeous women and football, nothing else, not words that have been molested by a brain infested with maggots and fish droppings. The second reason is, this may sound silly, I dont really like the letter z. Even the English dont like it, that’s why they just placed it at the end of the alphabet. Coming to think of it, i dont think the English even wanted it in the first place. There is something awfully suspicious about the letter. Think about it, if you were given the job of picking the letters for the alphabet how many would you pick.. would you pick a nice round number, a multiple of five, the number of fingers in our hand, like say 25 or a ridiculously peculiar number 26? My gut tells me the designers of the alphabet wanted 25 letters and some German lobbied hard and squeezed in the letter z. It also tells me, my gut that is, that the German was some kind of a baker, who dint just stop there but went on and poisoned little minds, cunningly manipulating them into thinking they needed his baked goods by running a viral marketing song under the pretext of popularizing the newly constructed alphabet, into which he sneaked in the lines ‘x-y-z sugar on your bread, if you dont like it go to bed’. Dirty german bastard. I cant believe the english still retain the letter, its not like cebra and sygote cant be spelled any other way.

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